Serendipitous Existence

No Italian holiday {life would be dreadfully boring perfection if set plans always worked out}. No remarkable MCAT score {I suppose time and effort cannot necessarily ensure desired results}. Twenty-four applications {what would I do with myself in Saint Louis?} Six rejections {Stanford was a long shot anyway}.

Despite intense punctuated feelings of chaos woven tightly within the fabric of my life, a few constants and familiar comforts have remained strong throughout it all: the way music can erase negativity and illuminate a darkening world; how happy I am in this exquisite state with endless opportunities for mountain exploration; a glass of wine after a day overflowing with frustration and doubt; and, of course, the love and support (often given unknowingly) from my family, Justin and a 'small-world-like' network of friends ... near and far, old and new. These things, collectively, make me feel good about medical school this year as well as the new path my life has taken; for once, I truly am optimistic that the events of the past few years were just serendipitous twists and turns to ensure I end up somewhere wonderful ...

... which brings to mind one of my favorite well-wishes from Edward Abbey  ...

'May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds'

Italy: the consolation

Casa Simona, Tuscany

The above link will take you to a lovely description (complete with photo gallery) of this charming restored barn in the heart of Tuscany, Italy. This shall be my home for a time in September; it will also be a celebratory location for my 25th birthday on the 16th.

So it wasn't in the cards for me this year ... medical school, I mean. The interviews went well - I'm a decent judge of these things, and I've learned to trust my instincts. As for a short-term solution, I've requested to speak with Dr. Winn, the Dean of Admissions at the University of Colorado. He's a Notre Dame alum, and he's an amiable, though painfully realistic, guy. I believe it to be my MCAT score that's preventing me from receiving that acceptance letter ... perhaps my low-ish science GPA, maybe both? I don't know anymore. Three years is just crazy, and I am mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. I need someone to tell me bluntly what the hell is wrong with me. 

This really is not the end of the world (despite how I felt yesterday afternoon in the car, stopping for a split second to give partial credence to the thought that I almost wouldn't have minded being in a car accident on that particular day). Either way, I suppose I'll find the answers and fix what I can for next year. I've always believed things work out the way they're meant to .... and there is always a positive side to every misfortune. 

I must admit, Italy is a pretty fantastic consolation prize!

Third Time's a Charm

Tomorrow may be one of the most critical and decisive days of my life {in the context of my future}. I have applied to medical school three times. That’s two times too many. No one should have to endure such an unsettled and gypsy-like lifestyle … never knowing where you’ll be in two weeks, six months, one year from the present moment. I have an unfinished Peace Corps application, I can’t really commit to a full-time job, and there are incredibly small windows in which to make and keep concrete plans with anyone. For instance, my family is renting out a villa in Italy during the month of September. I’d love nothing more than to say that I can join them, but it would be rather unrealistic in light of the possibility (and hope) that I would be in medical school.

Although I haven’t entirely put my life on hold for the past two-three years, it has been difficult to feel settled. I suppose I’ve learned to accept and embrace the circumstance, using it to my advantage. There is no better time to explore Colorado, drive across our neighboring states, visit friends who are far away, and travel abroad. My work schedule is extremely flexible (less so recently), and I don’t feel rushed to clutter my agenda knowing that I will never have this much time for myself again {until I’m retired and life is considerably less fun}. It may seem selfish, and it is. But, I’ve enjoyed the time getting to know who I am – ironically, repetitive medical school applications and personal essays have helped significantly in the process – what I want, what I don’t want, what I deserve, and what I am meant to do. I’ve also discovered the elusive source of and key to unconditional happiness J So many people never get that far. Either they aren’t willing to try, can’t figure out where to start, don’t take the time to learn, or convince themselves otherwise.

As for tomorrow, I’m not too nervous; I’ve been through all of it before. I would rather have an interview at Colorado than anywhere else - it's my home, and it's comfortable. And, of course, I want to stay. Mostly, I’m grateful for the opportunity to explain why I belong there, and I'm anxious to try my hardest at guaranteeing a spot in this year’s entering class. It’s just a bit crazy to think about the extent to which one day {really, one minute … one decision, one action} can change the course of your future. Tomorrow contains one of those moments.